“I feel so much lighter today
(Now that there’s time)
Can’t remember my name
But you can tell me who I am”
– Big Data, Automatic

There’s a commercial on TV right now where a dad looks at his son’s participation trophy and starts thinking, “Why did we get this? We won every game? Why did we get the same trophy as all of them?” So he tears off the ‘participation’ plaque and writes CHAMPS on it.

I know that in a competitive game if there’s a winner (a nice, good thing to tell a kid) that there is also a loser (a bad thing you shouldn’t tell a kid). But being so sensitive about calling someone a loser (or a failure, cheater, etc.) doesn’t mean we should coddle everyone.

It means we should teach better. We should teach the right lesson. It means we should be honest, and teach kids how to be honest with themselves.

Losing a game doesn’t make you a loser. Failing doesn’t make you a failure, cheating doesn’t make you a cheater, and lying doesn’t make you a liar. You can do any of these things, and you will do these things, and it’s okay to do these things…you just don’t need to define yourself by them.

So maybe someone calls you a loser. Fine. Maybe you did lose. You shouldn’t ignore losing, you should ignore being called a loser. 

An event doesn’t make you who you are. People make mistakes. Good people who try really hard will still fail. People who strive to tell the truth will still lie once in a while. The only person who can really decide what you are is you.

You should never let someone else, or especially what someone else says, define who you are to yourself.