“And she called out a warning: Don’t ever let life pass you by”
– Warning by Incubus

As of today, I am waiting.

Waiting to hear back on if and when I can change my career. But really, I’ve been waiting for a few months now since I needed to figure out a plan to pay off all our credit cards and then save up enough money to quit my job and not work for at least half a year. That took time, and patience, and learning how to do something I’m not used to doing.

The very first tattoo I got was music notes for the song Warning by Incubus. “Don’t ever let life pass you by.” I wanted to remember not to let fear hold me back. To always go for something I want, when I want it, instead of waiting and letting the right moment pass me by.

You always regret want you didn’t attempt far more than what you tried and failed at.

So for the last 8 years, I’ve pretty much lived in the moment. Especially since getting a job after college, because I’ve finally had money to finance all the fun things I want to do. If I want to go to a concert at Red Rocks, I buy tickets. I wanted to get out of Los Angeles, so I moved. How about getting drunk with my husband at a brewery and buying a super soft t-shirt that I probably don’t need? You bet.

Because hey, I don’t want the fun things in life to pass me by. I want those spontaneous moments, and I want them now.

It’s been more difficult than I expected to change that philosophy when it comes to something I really want, but that forces me to stop living in the moment to achieve it. I want to change my life by changing my career, and that means I need think twice before purchasing so I can save money. I have to keep reminding myself that I will be able to do these things later. Once I get through the rest of 2015 and half of 2016.

It’s really not that long. When all of this is over, I’ll probably have a new job I’m happy with (finally!!!) by June 2016. Less than a year away. But for someone who has spent most of the last 8 years doing the thing she wants when she wants it, a year seems like a long time. I also love spontaneous fun and have the patience of a small child. It’s hard to keep my goal in mind when I’m out drinking and someone asks if I want to buy tickets to an expensive concert (which I technically have the money for) or when I’m sitting at home studying when all I really want to do is watch Pretty Little Liars on Netflix. It’s not just money I need to save, I also have to learn how to take my previously-known-as “free time” and turn that into “learning time” and “work time.”

It has certainly been a slow process for me. Sometimes all I want to do is curl up with a nice glass of whiskey and watch 4 episodes of Lost Girl, which used to be a perfectly acceptable thing for me to do for the last 4 years since any time after 5pm is “free time” for me. But does it really help me achieve my goals now that I’m trying to accomplish something more?

That’s what I try to focus on. When I go to bed, I like to ask myself, “Did you help achieve your goals today?” And when I wake up the next morning I ask myself, “Are you going to help achieve your goals today?”

I find asking myself a question – even if its the same question – every day helps keep me on track. I don’t beat myself up when I haven’t helped (like buying a $135 Cat Hat….but that was totally necessary, right?) but I try to do better the next day.

In the end, it still comes down to waiting. Waiting to do the things I want to do. Waiting to have enough money and time to do them. Waiting to hear if I’m going to be allowed to do them.

While I’m waiting, I realize I’m not changing my philosophy at all. I’m simply revising it slightly. I’m not letting life pass me by, I’m taking the steering wheel and turning it in another direction. This is the right time and I’m following my own advice and acting on it. Some of the small, short-term things may slide by my window and I’ll feel a little sad about them, but my end goal is clearly in sight.

Now I I’m just waiting to hear if I can step on the gas pedal.